Panic Button, Please

by Jennifer on May 12, 2012

Three weeks to go!

Shortly after Leo proposed to me, I met with a friend of mine who was married a few years ago. She gave me all sorts of great planning advice. One thing she said to me that stuck out: “Some people you think who would NEVER miss your wedding will not be there. And some people you’d never think in a million years would show up will attend.”

True. As I’ve lassoed, chased down and squeezed out the last few missing RSVPs during the past few weeks, I’ve been a bit surprised by some of the answers. And yet, as I tally the count, I feel that (with a few exceptions), for the most part, the right people will be helping us celebrate our new lives together.

Now, it’s time to lasso, chase down and squeeze together the final details, from food count to chair counts to making sure the decorations are put in place.

After a year and a half of planning, thinking, pulling this string and tying it to that one, I have this odd feeling that I’m forgetting something. It’s sort of a low-level hum far off in the distance, like a tiny, whiny airplane that you can’t quite see. I’m not really searching for the panic button, but it’d be nice to have nearby just in case. Leo is out of town on business right now — a full 10-day trip to England only weeks before our wedding. Maybe what I’m really looking for is the “easy” button from Staples. (Do they do weddings?)

Despite this tongue-in-cheek panic I express here, I know in the end, no matter what goes right and what goes wrong, I am glad and grateful to be having a big, beautiful wedding, with many wonderful people to watch Leo and I agree “’til death do us part.”

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish the timeline, unfold some puff ball decorations and tie ribbons to paper leaves.

 

 

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Bridal Showers

by Jennifer on May 7, 2012

One of them, I expected. The other was a surprise. And both were fun.

I speak, belatedly, of my bridal showers.

I went to Ohio in April for a surprise birthday party for my grandfather and got a surprise of my own. We girls went over to my aunt’s house, ostensibly for margaritas. Of course, my aunt doesn’t drink, so this seemed odd. Plus, my sister had a large box with her. And my sister-in-law had a Victoria’s Secret bag in the car.

Hmmm …

It turned out to be fun, with some games, lots of lingerie and some girlie chit chat. (No margaritas.)

Shower No. 2 took place the following week. A BIG thanks to my Maid of Honor, Ginny Skalski, and my sister, Laura, for organizing the food and games. And of course, thank you to everyone who generously offered up gifts to celebrate my upcoming wedding!

 

 

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Devilish Details

by Jennifer on March 30, 2012

So there I stood, scraping old candles out of 144 clear glass votive holders. As I felt the beginnings of a blister popping up on my index finger, I realized that I’m ready for this whole wedding production to go on stage already.

With just more than two months to go, I’m in the final stages of planning. They say “the devil is in the details.”

They are right. So here is my inner monologue lately:

Details

  • Ok, so I finally picked the colors for the tableclothes and napkins at the reception.
  • Hmmm … I should make an appointment for a mani-pedi the day before with Mom and Laura.

    Laura helps put together one of the puff ball decorations for the ceremony so I can figure out how to hang them.

  • Oh yeah, still haven’t bought shoes to wear with my wedding dress. I should do that soon.
  • Need to find a table or something for the altar/unity candle at the ceremony. (Dad’s taking care of it. Check.)
  • Ashtrays for the reception!

Logistics

  • So we’re getting our hair done at noon and we’ll want to eat some lunch after that but before I put on my dress.
  • And the before pictures are at 3:30, but the grandparents can’t be there that early. Guess we’ll have to do those shots afterward.
  • Gee, I hope the ushers can help with some setup at Nash Square.

And so it goes.

Bridesmaids working on the wedding DIY details. It's like kingergarten!

Thank goodness for bridesmaids! Last weeked, I traded pizza and rum drinks for service. The girls come over to help me stuff invitations, cut out leaves (you’ll see) and put together puff balls.

I feel a lot better now.

But the internal monologue continues …

How will Leo walk in for the ceremony? Buy a small hand-held battery fan for day off in case I’m hot. Need a lighter for the unity candle. Be sure to pack trash bags in Dad’s car for the cleanup crew to use after the ceremony. STILL need “something old” and “something borrowed.” How will we display the seating cards? Need to make a list of those who sit in front rows. Type up instructions for removal of items.

 

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Invitations!

by Jennifer on March 27, 2012

I walked up to the blue box with 111 wedding invitations.

“If you want to get out, it’s now or never,” I said to Leo. He laughed.

Together, we slid the piles of pages down the chute. It’s official! Just more than two months to go!

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The Dance Lesson

by Jennifer on March 25, 2012

The Wrong Foot
I had a bad feeling about it as Dad parked the car and we walked in.

“I should have called to confirm,” I mumbled to myself.

We arrived just a tad early for the dance lesson appointment I’d made back in December. But surely they didn’t lose it between then and mid-March right? Arthur Murray is a business after all.

Always trust your gut. Mine turned out to be right (as usual).

The 50-something stooge behind the desk wore a tiny gold hoop earring and a fake smile.

“I’m sorry; we don’t have you listed for an appointment today,” he said, scanning the paper desk calendar.

“I made this appointment months ago,” I said, calmly, but with force. “My dad lives in another state. This is for my wedding. What are we supposed to do?”

Not much. I confirmed my appointment for the following week with Leo to make sure THAT was still on the books. I’d made it in February. Apparently the more recent timing made it a little easier; our appointment was set as expected.

Finding a Beat
With this bad taste in my mouth, Leo and I entered a week later, ready to learn a few steps for our first dance as husband and wife.

A wedding dance.

The greasy manager I’d met the week before greeted us. I couldn’t smile as a I shook his hand, but he didn’t seem to remember me. Leo and I changed our shoes and headed onto the dance floor with our instructor, Michael. I liked him.

He immediately thanked us for picking “a good song, one that’s easy to dance to.”

Apparently, our song is a foxtrot. So back, back, quick, quick. Or, if you’re the guy: forward, forward, quick, quick. The “quick quick” part is a side step. Michael explained this basic step and Leo and I set out across the dance floor. Then, we learned a turning move so that we could dance ourselves out of a corner.

We had a blast. The bad taste in my mouth forgotten, I laughed and smiled as Leo led me around. I figured this would be fun, but I was surprised at the surge of love I had, moving around the dance floor with my future husband. We stumbled a few times, laughed about it, and kept going. The 30-minute lesson flew by.

Two Left Feet
Then Michael led us over to a small, dark table in the corner. Suddenly, I wanted a piece of gum. He sat us down, talked to us about what we were hoping to accomplish. We explained our low expectations: lack of talent combined with hopes to learn very basic steps to one song so we could dance for two minutes without falling over.

“No ‘Dancing with the Stars’ here,” I told him.

I’m thinking we could just take two or three private lessons to get a feel for it and then practice ourselves at home.

Michael explained their basic plans, a combination of private lessons with group lessons and a thumb drive of videos of yourselves so you can watch and work at home.

“You’ll definitely want to have group lessons, because it teaches you other steps and you get a feel for working with other partners,” he said.

Internally, I was already protesting. Outwardly, I nodded.

He didn’t tell us the cost. Instead, he called over his manager. Gold Hoop Guy joined our trio and pulled out his car salesman smile with a matching car salesman story. Did I mention I’m stubborn and hate when people try to talk me into things?

“Did you tell them about the packages?” he asked, his greasy tone pouring over me. I wanted to shower.

“Oh and did you tell them about ‘that couple’?”

“Well, we always joke about ‘that couple’ who came in for dance lessons to learn their song. Everything was great and they went to their wedding. When they came back they said, ‘why didn’t you tell us that as soon as we were done everyone else would want to dance with us? We didn’t know how to dance with anyone else!’”

Internal eye roll. Outward fake smile. As I asked questions, I’m sure I sounded irritated. I often sound grumpy even when I’m not; you can imagine how I sound when I’m actually annoyed.

I brought up the fact that they’d misplaced my lesson the previous week.

“Oh yes; we are so sorry about that,” he said.

I gave a slight shoulder shrug and said something like, “It happens.” But I didn’t smile. And I’m sure it came off as unhappy customer.

The sales pitch finally ended. “So how much does this all cost?” I asked.

$430. I looked at Leo. I paused.

I turned back to the sales guy, who sensed he was losing his sale. He then added in an extra dance lesson to “make up for that unfortunate incident last week.”

“Can we have a minute to discuss this?” I said.

They retreated. Leo and I looked at each other, both thinking the same thing: Uh, ouch. That wasn’t really in the budget.

“How bad do you want to do this?” he asked.

“I had fun,” I said, “but I don’t like this salesy thing they’re doing and I don’t want to spend that much.”

We agreed that literally cornering us and talking about ‘that couple’ seemed to salesy for us. “Let’s just go,” I said.

Gold Hoop Guy saw us stand and came right over. Leo may have led on the dance floor, but I was ready to take charge.

“That price just isn’t something we can do,” I said. “We really are looking for something simple, a few private lessons and that’s it.”

He came back with another offer: $230 for two lessons, plus the extra free one.

“That sounds a bit more like what we’re looking for,” I said, “but we’ll let you know.”

Moving Forward
Leo and I debriefed in the car. We knew we weren’t going back. I later called three other dance studios in town, finding friendlier voices and lower prices. But in the end, we found the best solution of all: YouTube. Foxtrot lessons right in our own living room.

Thursday evening we shoved the coffee top aside and gave it a try.

There are many reasons why Leo and I feel so right together. And as we took our first steps, moving forward and back in our tiny living room, I had one more.

Any guy that’s willing to make up the steps and practice with me every week is a guy I want to dance with for the rest of my days.

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The Bachelorette Party

by Jennifer on March 6, 2012

By the end of the night, my feet were sore and my neck was stained pink. I’d danced with a 70+-year-old man, felt some guy’s biceps, consumed (some) alcohol and had a fabulous time.

It was an amazing bachelorette party.

Insert Ginny Skalski, maid of honor extraordinaire, who planned our trip to Miami. She and I were joined by bridesmaids Laura (my sister) and Diana, plus our awesome friend Lauren, who lives in south Florida. Ginny had planned the trip without any help or much direction from me. I went into the weekend unsure of whether the agenda contained midget strippers or a quiet evening (or both).

Friday turned out to be the former. I got my first surprise at the airport, as we were walking out to what I thought was a shuttle service. We headed in a roundabout way through the airport to a parking garage, where a few town cars and vans were parked. I followed our driver, thinking any minute now we’d veer off to one of the vehicles. Instead, we headed toward a limo.

“Nah, they didn’t really,” I thought.

But soon, that was the only car left in our field of vision. I laughed. “You didn’t, did you?” I said. Sure enough, a long limo, black and silver and shaped like a bullet. I had never been in a limo before. Getting in and out takes a bit of grace. I looked and felt rather scruffy in my traveling jeans and T-shirt, but we cranked up the tunes and cruised down the road.

We got the hookup for our swanky hotel, Eden Roc, from one of Leo’s cousins. (Thanks!) Surprise No. 2 soon followed. My sister dragged me off to the bar under the pretense of some sister time and a shot of Patron. But when I arrived in the room, the girls were decorating with pink streamers and a banner!

We made a mad dash to change and touch-up our makeup before heading to dinner (in a taxi) at Bongos, a Cuban place in downtown Miami owned by Gloria Estefan. We stuffed ourselves with steak, rice, maduros and mojitos before returning to the hotel for a few more drinks in our room.

Saturday we spent the day on the beach at our hotel. The Eden Roc has three pools, which we visited when we were sick of the sand. You can see one of the pools in this picture.

Ocean view from our hotel balcony.

 

After a quick power nap, we began to get ready for the Big Event. After all,  five girls in a hotel room is going to take awhile. By 8 p.m. we were ready, each dressed in black with heels almost high enough for Miami standards.

Ginny then grabbed her bachelorette party bag and proceeded to cover me in a stack of pink beads. Each girl was issued the same stack, with instructions to dole them out to boys if we so decided. We were also given plastic diamond rings lit up inside with LEDs. I was also issued a shot glass with another LED light that changed colors. And of course, the main touch: a headband veil with “Bride” in pink letters at the top, handcrafted by Ginny!

I think I looked pretty good.

The paper you see in my hand is our scavenger hunt game. The amazing Ginny had a list of things a “brave bacehelorette” is supposed to do. I won’t repeat them all here, but I promise none were so risque that I wouldn’t do them in front of Leo.

We were joined at the hotel by Hailey, one of Leo’s cousins, and the six of us headed out to see what damage we could impart on Miami.

I think more damage was done on our feet as we hiked around in heels. And on our necks, as we discovered at 3 a.m. that the beads had left behind some ink.

But we had a fantastic time, first eating at “Dolores but you can call me Lolita” and then visiting a few bars. The whole night people kept walking by me and saying either, “Congratulations” or “Don’t do it.” One set of two women with their husbands bought me a shot and came over to wish me luck.

One of my missions was to get guys to write their marriage advice on a napkin or business card. I ended up with three. The final one was the best: “Make love to a Cuban before you die.”

Little did he know that I am marrying a Cuban.

I received that one at our final stop for the night, a serendipitous stumble into a swing dance club after our desired destination turned out to be a dud.

There, a 70+-year-old man did his best to show me some swing moves. My aching feet struggled with the steps, but I sort of found the beat after several tries.

Sweaty, laughing and just the right amount of tipsy, we called it a night and headed back to our hotel.

It was the perfect bacehelorette party, and I am so grateful to have amazing and supportive friends who joined me to say farewell to single life and hello to my future happiness with my husband.

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Nuptial Nuances

by Jennifer on February 19, 2012

Dum dum da dum … dum da dum dum. (That’s “Here Comes the Bride,” in case you can’t translate.)

With all this party, er, wedding planning, the part that’s gets lost is the part where we actually say, “I do.”

So I sat down recently with our officiant, the Rev. Jennifer Holder, to get the details for the part of the day where we are “getting married.”

One would think this to be a slightly easier portion. Instead, she handed me a whole packet of scripts, ceremony options and readings.

We discussed each item, what it was, what it means, the options. I took copious notes. At one point, we even stood up to mime where she will stand during the ceremony.I made sure to ask about signing the wedding license, because, that’s kind of important.

I took the packet — my homework — back to the house. Later, Leo and I sat down to discuss the whole thing. Do we want someone to do a reading? Unity candle or sand? How about the wording of vows, ring exchange? Prayers before, during and after?

In true “Leo and Jen” style, this whole conversation took about 10 minutes because we agreed on just about everything. We also agreed to keep it a reasonable length and fairly simple. Nothing like an hour-long ceremony to get people ready to celebrate, right? I’ll probably be crying the whole time anyway and even waterproof mascara has its limitations.

But don’t worry, moms, it’s coming together and it’s going to be lovely.

 

 

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Paper Weight

by Jennifer on January 25, 2012

It’s just a piece of paper informing guests of where to go. But when it comes to wedding invitations, people are obsessed. You can hire calligraphers. You can buy fancy paper. You can purchase gold lining for inside the envelope, stickers for outside. Do you want old school invites with vellum? Do you want something more modern? Want pre-printed return addresses? You can do that.

You can spend $1,000 (and more), all so your guests know where and when to be there.

According to the bridal magazines, the invitation sets the tone for the entire wedding. Really? That’s a big weight to put on a bride’s shoulders. That, and the pressure of not screwing up names or inserting a typo.

Of course, I will save this piece of paper for the rest of my life. But I didn’t want to make a big fuss about it — or spend a zillion bucks on something most people will eventually throw away (or recycle).

Opening the invites. No, I'm not going to show them here! You'll have to wait until yours arrives.

So I shrugged that weighty paper off my shoulders. I didn’t crowdsource design ideas or ask everyone for wording input. I just searched online, found some reasonably priced pieces of paper, ordered them up and voila! They have arrived!

The company indicated it might take several weeks, but they showed up early.

Of course, it’s way to early to send them out. But at least I have them in hand, with proper spelling (I hope!) so that I can start an assembly line prior to April.

So when it arrives, hang it on your refrigerator, recycle it or save it in a box. Whatever you do, please return the RSVP card on time!

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A Dress for Every Maid

by Jennifer on January 14, 2012

No, it wasn’t like the movie, “Bridesmaids.” I told “the girls” maybe they should eat a lighter lunch to avoid any comedic yet revolting bathroom mishaps. If you haven’t seen the movie, let’s just say there was a major stomach incident at the bridesmaid dress shop.

Instead, we walked in, tried on dresses, found the ones we wanted and left.

Yes, just that easy.

In truth, my Maid Of Honor Ginny Skalski helped me with some pre-scouting, which was the reason we succeeded in finding dresses in less than one hour. We’d previously found several styles of dress in the color I wanted. I want each Maid to choose whatever style flatters her most. They simply needed several options and a chance pick one.

So Saturday, we did just that. We were short one Maid, unfortunately. But the rest of them stood patiently while Ginny and I grabbed the dresses from the rack.  The stressed-out Deon helped us out, and each Maid tried on one or two dresses before picking one.

Wow. I am one lucky bride to have such easygoing bridesmaids. Thanks, ladies!

Left to right: Laura, Diana, Ginny and Alex. We missed you, Jillian!

 

 

 

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Easy as Tuxedo Shopping

by Jennifer on December 18, 2011

Cummerbund or vest? Wingtip collar or lay down? Flat-front pants or pleated?

We considered classing it up with these camo vests.

I have never given ANY thought whatsoever to tuxedos. Leo’s one tuxedo rental was for prom, when he asked for “whatever is cheap.”

So when we walked into VIP Formal Wear Saturday, we really had no idea what we were doing. Laid-back guy that he is, Leo doesn’t really care about his wedding attire. My only rule is vest instead of cummerbund.

We looked at the mannequins for inspiration. There was the James Bond tuxedo, the Jeff Foxworthy tuxedo (see picture at right) and the white tuxedo. No, no and no.

Leo, laughing at me as he closes the curtain. Please excuse the bad photo, taken quickly with camera phone.

There was one he sort of liked, a jacket with a slightly different look and no buttons. So Amy, our salesperson, set him up with a shirt, vest, the jacket and two tie options. A few minutes later we had a tux: lay down collared pleated shirt, the jacket and long tie with vest. I have yet to choose the vest color, but that’s a quick choice later.

It took me three days, four stores and 30 try-ons to find a wedding dress. Leo found his clothes in under one hour at one store with one try-on.

It’s really not fair.

 

 

 

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